i forgot the problem....thats the problem

dear alex

what do you make of the pain in my tummy? it burns up and pulls at its friends scattered around it. they get tugged tight. then lets go for just enough time for me to forget my worries. then when i least expect it i am caught off guard again in an unruly manner. when it grumbles i try to listen. and when i open my ear the world gets very loud. my body starts to talk all at the same time. i am told about the things i forgot to do, the things i promised to do, the things i have done, the things i aught to do. then the things that have been done to me. and they all talk at the same time. its too noisy. so i close my ear again and try to piece things together in separate draws of my mind to look at them individually. they lie there half formed and waiting to be filled. all of them. so i construct the rest up to the best of my ability. sometimes they dont look quite correct - but i see a new shape emerging and let that take its place in the world. sometimes they become more interesting than the rest and i spend months marveling at their new form. sometimes the broken pieces lie there and stare at me expectantly - empty and reflective like a broken mirror, awaiting their missing pieces. sometimes i solve a few and they fade to the light. most times though, when im not sure what to do, a little bit of dark chocolate seems to help smother those sounds...its quite nice...